Acceptance & Rejection

Who doesn't like the feeling of acceptance? I think many of us long for it. Long to be accepted and wanted and loved and appreciated. It's the inner-teenager in all of us that desperately wants to be "in" with the cool crowd. And most of us like to hear it too. We like to hear how we are accepted and wanted and loved and appreciated. Rejection is hard for us to take. I mean, who would reject someone like us? Talk about a blow to our self-esteem. I've been rejected a few times in my life. I've been rejected by people, girls especially, who didn't want me as a part of their group or just didn't want to "go there" with me. Their loss, right? I could've been a good friend or contributer to the group, but no. I've been rejected by a few directors, particularly at Vanderbilt. Their loss, right? I hope they were satisfied with the quality of the performance when, surely deep down in their hearts, they knew I could've done a better job than "that guy." Reading back on the last few lines, I realize that I have a unique lack of self-confidence and lack of humility. ;-) It entertains me though.

Anyways, the point is that I've never been rejected by a school. That record is in peril as I await notices from grad schools (i.e. Berkeley and Hawaii). I also tried to apply to Stanford and they tried their hardest to jump the gun and be the first to reject me. But I wouldn't let them. I thoroughly checked the website to clarify the deadline (March 14) and assure myself that I wouldn't miss it. Well, on March 14, I worked on fine-tuning some of my essays and took my time to make sure everything was just so. I mean, Stanford is a tough school to get into after all. I ended up taking a break at 8:00 to watch the Kings vs. Lakers game, which was pretty awesome btw. By the time I returned to the computer and went to send the application it was about 10:00. Mind you, this application is completely online. I click on submit and...it won't go through. I try again and again and again. Nope. Unbeknownst to me (what a good word that is, I don't think I've ever written it before), for some odd reason Stanford's online application was operating under Eastern Standard Time and I was an hour late, despite the fact that not only am I in California, but so is the school. It never EVER occured to me to consider time zone issues and it was not posted anywhere in the application or admissions website to watch out for that. So I called Stanford and was told that a 9pm PST deadline was posted somewhere and the deadlines must be met and nothing can be done. Well, their loss, right? No! Wait a minute. That's BS! I went through all the websites again and found absolutely no indication of a time deadline besides March 14, 2006. So, I took a stand. I called the lady back and told her that there was no indication of a time deadline, that it could not be expected that a Californian apply to a school in California would operate under Eastern time, and that this was very important to me and there must be something done. Well, well, well. All of a sudden things started happening and she contacted the Admissions Office and calls me back, apologizing for the inconvenience and hoping to coordinate a time when they can open up the website again so that I can submit my application.

So, my application is submitted. Now maybe this whole thing is a scam to get me to contribute my $110 application fee and then they can automatically reject me for being a nuisance and say that it was fair. I'll never know. But, for now, my rejectionless record remains in tact. Now it is just a matter of getting those letters in the mail. Really, besides being accepted obviously, the most important factor in where I go is money and financial aid. Stanford and Hawaii look to be very expensive. Hawaii is also my favorite program, but it is soooo far away. Of course, Tennessee's pretty far away too. But, until I get the letters, I can't worry about it too much.

Don't you wish that all acceptance and rejection could be as clearly measured as schools make it. There isn't often a clear letter informing you of whether you have been accepted or rejected. Mostly you are left to judge how accepted you are from social interactions which can be unclear and sometimes misleading. But, as they say, life ain't easy and that's all part of the game. For now, I will relish in the fact that I am as accepted and wanted and loved as I am by all of you. Thanks! And it is finally feeling like springtime and that makes me feel more accepted too. So, who wants to spend spring with me?