Race = U

First let me say that I am feeling a whole lot better now, but if I could just get some of that sleep I was storing up all weekend, maybe I wouldn't be so exhausted. Unfortunately, I think I'm just gonna have to settle with exhausted and stressed (well reasonably stressed) until Spring Break 05!! Wild ON Cancun baby!!! Watch out--Mat's Gone Wild!!! Sorry, no CODs.

Okay, so back on track, I had written this awesome blog Monday and then my sister called providing a sinful distraction (I don't know why it was sinful, other than because it had dire consequences). What dire consequences? Well as I finished the blog and went to post it, sure enough it was zapped into cyberspace never to be seen again. So, I will dutifully ry to recreate the post because it was so intriguing, entertaining, and profound.

In recreating the post, I am also recreating the afternoon of Friday, February 4th when I took a venture out on the town to get fingerprinted to work in the schools. The venture turned into an adventure of cultural identity. I had three separate incidents that highlighted the issue of race and gave me new insights on my own identity. First of all, as you know, I don't have a car. I definitely don't have one in Nashville, and I don't even have one at home anymore. Therefore, in order to get to the fingerprinting at the local school district headquarters, I borrowed the car of my co-worker (and a second mom), Carol. Carol has a very nice, new, champagne colored Toyota Highlander. Usually, in principle, I am against the overkill of SUVs, but principles fly out the window when you're behind the wheel of one of those bad boys.

When I'm done cruising down Broadway and actually arrive at the place, I have to sign in at the security desk and get pointed in the right direction. The security guard (for future reference) is about as old, white, and southern as you can get. Very nice man, though. So when I finally get to the fingerprinter (after paying the outrageous sum of $56 for them to tell me I haven't committed a crime), she starts to put in data into the computer.

Up pops the race question. Oh, Mat, what race are you today???? Multiracial? Sorry, we don't have multiracial, therefore you are not multiracial. She brings up the list of choices and I have no clue what to pick. I don't even see Latino/Hispanic as an option (not that I was feeling particularly Mexican that day). "Well, let me just do this," and on the screen I see her enter "Race = U" Apparently, I am of an Unknown race of human beings. This is better than my first guess at what U stood for, an Ugly race of human beings. But, unknown made me feel so not counted, not part of, not KNOWN?? I JUST WANT TO BE KNOWN DAMMIT!!

So, officially labelled unknown, I walk back to the security desk to sign out and I tell the guard thanks for giving me directions. "De nada Senor Espinosa. Adios amigo!" replies the guard to which I stammered a response of "Chao" as I sneak out the doors. In the car, I began to realize that I get this sort of thing a lot out here from strangers. I'll get a "gracias" when I hold the door open for somebody or an "hola" or "hasta la vista, baby" when meet someone in passing. And they are usually from people I don't know and they are usually (and maybe I'm making a bad assumption, but judging from their appearance and accent I don't think so) from people who would not be able to carry on a conversation if I started speaking to them in Spanish. So why do they do it? Obviously, they labelled me as Hispanic/Mexican when clearly I'm Unknown. But, maybe subconciously they think I would understand it better than in English? It doesn't really bother me and I haven't noticed it before because I do speak Spanish. But I learned Spanish in high school. What if I had studied Russian? I wonder how I would react then. Maybe a lot different.

Ronnie has already pointed out that I make an awful lot of Mexican jokes. It's true, my wry wit often comes at the expense of the Mexicans. Another person theorized that perhaps my jokes are a way of distancing and separating myself from the Mexicans, so that others won't believe and maybe I won't believe that I'm Mexican. Maybe that's true too...

But, anyways- to make a short story longer- the final incident happened as I was
pulling into the parking lot in the nice, new, champagne colored SUV. There was a Vandy police car parked just outside of this U-shaped parking lot and as I entered, he pulled out and followed me into the lot. He trailed me all the way until I finally parked about half-way along. When I did, he stopped and waited until I got out of the car with a backpack and finally continued through the lot, only to park, once again, outside. I really would rather not constantly be suspicious of this sort of thing, but given the day I had and the classes I'm taking that focus on issues of social injustices and discrimination, I was kinda pissed off. Plus, it's not the first time something like that has happened between me and the Vandy police. Last semester I was summoned over to a police car crawling along beside me using both the siren and a bright light. He called me over to tell there would be serious consequences if I jumped a fence somewhere ahead of me. Having just gotten back on campus and seeing as it was night, I had no idea there was a fence in front of me at all, let alone a thought about jumping it.

Something to think about and I'd like to hear your comments.

Less Icky

First of all, I'm feeling much better than a few days ago. But, I'm also very exhausted. Actually, I've felt heavy for most of the day. Not exactly tired, cuz lord knows I've slept enough, but I've just been really slow like I can't move fast. So, instead I've taken my time and waddled around dragging my feet all day long. It's worked okay, but now I actually am tired and I hope to get a good 10 hrs of sleep tonight. Unheard of!! I know. But when you're sick and need to get well, these miracles happen.

I like it hot and steamy...

So, I've spent about 80% of the past few days in bed. I hate being sick. I'm totally one of those wimpy guys who turn into babies looking for their mommy when I'm sick. It's something I've got to get along with though, so long as I plan to work with slimy, sickly, germ-infested, disease-ridden children. It was cold and rainy outside today and both my roommates were in Indiana for various reasons, so I've been chilling in the apartment by myself all day. Most of the time I've spent in bed. Speaking of weather, though, last Tuesday we had a high here of 71 degrees and the following night we had chances of snow. Nashville weather!! So ridiculous.
I guess I should clarify the title real quick: It's a reply to the previous question posed "How do you like your Cafe?" that refers to Cafe con Leche which was Thursday night and went really well.
Thanks to the lack of contact with humanity, the overwhelming amount of time spent in bed, and the Nyquil, I'm feeling a little de
li
ri
oussssss
But Thursday was the worst! I was sick (just woke up sick out of nowhere that day), stressed (I've been really busy the past two weeks with schoolwork, preparing lessons, Cafe stuff, and other random stuff), tired (cuz I didn't sleep much the past two weeks), and depressed (cuz of a meeting I had Thursday). I've been trying to push for being allowed to do my student-teaching at home so that I can finish up my program while being with my mom. Well, basically this ideal situation is impossible and on top of bringing up a bunch of topics that made me sad, they also gave me a list of much less ideal possibilities. Plus, I was sick and I had a horrible headache which is crazy cuz I like never have headaches.
Then I had to rush off to a Cafe rehearsal where we ran through the show on stage for the first time. It gave me a second rush of energy. When it came time for the actual performance, dispite the annoying coughing, I was really excited. I got to sit in the audience for most of it and a lot more people than I had expected showed up, including some of my friends. So that was cool and everything went so smoothly and people laughed at a lot of my jokes. The little movies were really cool, especially the Esperanza music video. The hosts I've been working with all week loosened up and did really well. They loved!! my beat poetry performance (of course, I always steal the show, right?) and I even got to wear one of those lavaliers (the nifty clip-on microphones). I am going to get a DVD of it so maybe I can show you some of the highlights later. Plus the dances were kick-ass!! I found it very funny that I could go from being ready to dance merengue all night long, to passing out for the night within an hour.
I definitely slept for a long time, until I was rudely awakened by the need to study and take a test in my Latino Immigration class. I probably should've just stayed in bed, cuz the test didn't go so well. I hadn't even started the last 2 of 5 essay questions with 5 minutes left. Oh well. I also realized I missed a reflection which I ended up writing today. I hope it was coherent. We'll see how productive I am tomorrow.

miserablenosity

I just thought I'd let you know that I had a really rough couple of weeks and I'm feeling a little lousy/miserable at the moment being sick and all. I'm gonna expand more tomorrow, but I thought I'd get this out in the open right now. So, feel free to drop me some words of encouragement to make it through the weekend cuz I'm guessing most of tomorrow will be spent in bed (if only my TV didn't die!!) like today was.
love,
Mat

Mom at the levee

How do you like your Cafe?

So, I had a really busy week and next week should be pretty busy too! On top of all the work associated with seven classes and work and being at 4 school sites, I did a bunch of work for Cafe con Leche too. I had to do a little more writing last weekend and then during the week I supervised the filming for some of the "acts that got cut for the show." It turns out that I was also in one of them too. It was fun though. I played Ramon who together with Javiera, an ex-girlfriend (drama!), were trying to audition with some of our mad tango skills. In the course of the filming Javiera runs into a table, gets caught in some painful splits, Ramon gets kicked "south of the border," she eats a thorny rose, and finally Javiera all-out attacks Ramon. It was physical comedy at its finest (I say knowing full-well that I wrote, directed, and acted in the scene). I love how we randomly tried to invent the tango, seeing as neither of us knew how it went. We danced to the tango de Roxanne from Moulin Rouge. So, if you ever want to see an authentic tango presentation- go to Argentina. BUT if you ever want to see an unauthentic tango presentation- feel free to ask me.
One of the acts I wrote for filming wasn't able to be filmed in time. So, what happens to Mat? He gets roped into performing it live in the show. Now I've got a few rehearsals to do this coming week. Today we had a rehearsal and I took over the role of taking notes and giving suggestions on how to improve the acts. The big show is on Thursday night and there won't be any more dress rehearsals all together or anything, so that's a little scary. Hopefully everything will come out alright. I've also got to coach the hosts as far as acting out there little intros. But I think it'll be cool. I've also put in my proposal for the 24-hour theater for the faculty. So, they are now reviewing that and going to look into when we can do it. It looks pretty good!! I've realized that keeping myself busy not only is what I do every semester, but also keeps me centered and focused, especially during a time when I could be really worried about my mom.
I've also got meetings this coming week to look over a petition that I'm writing up asking for permission to do my student teaching in Sacramento. I know that it would make a huge difference and be so worthwhile in so many ways. I've got a lot of support from some high up faculty, but my advisor seems to think that the policy is unbendable, that it doesn't have much of a chance to pass, and hasn't been too supportive. We'll see what happens though. I'm going to write the petition this weekend and then I have a few meetings throughout the week with different professors to review it before I take it to the director of undergraduate studies.
Yesterday I went to the big Asian cultural celebration. There were some cool dances with ribbons and handkercheifs. Then there was a wickedly awesome Chinese yo-yo performance where they did some awesome feats of talentful yo-yoing skill. A hula performance, wetting my appetite to go to Hawaii and a cool modern tininkling filipino dance that uses the long sticks that people jump between and then out and you know what??? It's hard to describe dances in words. The coolest part about the tininkling was that they did it to contemporary pop music. There was also singing in Chinese, a "killer" martial arts performance, and a spoken word performance about stereotypes/diversity/inequality. This is more or less the amalgamation that will be Cafe con Leche.
Mom is continuing to do well. She had lost her voice for a while, but it's more or less returned (much to the dismay of my grandmother). Because she has had such a lack of appetite and nothing tastes good to her, she has been prescribed a pill called Marinol that will up her appetite and kill some of the pain in her chest. Given what the pill does, you can feel free to figure out what the mari in Marinol might stand for.

If you liked the last pic, you'll like this one even more!!

They Say Anything Goes

Okay, so I turned in some writing for this Hispanic celebration thing and they have asked me to write more stuff for tomorrow. They must be desperate, right? For all of those from high school: The theme of the show is Buscando una estrella, a Latino Star Search. They wanted to play short videos of contestants who supposedly didn't make the cut. Well, in a tribute to Luke, I suggested we have a really hammy gringo do a music video for Enrique Iglesia's "Esperanza." They really liked the idea, believe it or not. So thanks, Luke, for the inspiration...
I'm sure that he is probably drunk at the moment (seeing as it is a Saturday night, not that he's the kind to discriminate), but for me it's another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody. Actually, I have to write some more stuff for Café and really should do some homework, but I won't. I decided that I really don't like partying. I get really uncomfortable unless I know everyone pretty well. Aside from an emergency writer's meeting to tell me that I need to write some more stuff cuz some other hoes dropped out, I spent the day with Lan trying to convince her to come back to Sacramento to spend some of the summer with me. She's applying to teach Summerbridge with me and it would be so cool to have her out there. Her and Ashley were the very first friends I made here at Vandy and that's mostly because they made friends with me. So it would be cool to have her, especially because she's never been out west before so it would be a huge deal.
Yesterday, I went and supported my two roommates in their performance of Anything Goes. It was free, but that still felt almost like a rip-off. The play is so stupid and did nothing but tarnish my views on musicals. I can't believe that so many people know it and have performed in it!! Ronnie and Jeremy were part of a group of sailors on the ship where this thing takes place. They pulled in the only awesome number, Ronnie especially stood out as the only one with serious talent in the entire production. I feel bad saying this, but I've heard some horror stories from the rehearsal process (mind you the whole thing is student run) and the musical didn't give em much to work with. Still, the experience was enjoyable, it was just the most stupid night of entertainment ever.
Lots of people are sick over here which makes me very worried. Despite all the sucky things that are going on in my life, being healthy is one of the few things I got going for me. Don't take that away from me!!! Oh! And I wanted to write about an adventure I had in the parking garage yesterday. Ronnie's dad came in to see his show and after the show the three of us were going to this all-night café (kinda like True Love, only less groovin) called Café Coco. Ronnie's dad had parked in the parking garage by our building and by the time we went to leave the attendant had already left. All the arms were down trapping us in with no escape in sight! The arms could be lifted with a special card, but we had not that card. I thought of getting out and lifting the arm, but then was reminded that that probably wouldn't work. We drove through the garage and tried three different exits- all with no success. We even tried to go around one of the arms, but the car just wasn't that flexible. Finally we returned to the front, willing to just ram the thing if we needed to (we were desperate to get to that café), when I happened to notice a sign a short ways away from the arm. It said that visitors could drop their tickets into this mangy green box to lift the arm. Skeptical, we decided to try and VOILA!! Up goes the arm and we laugh to drown the stupidity.
I also wanted to mention this guy that I'm going to be tutoring for my Latino Immigration Experience class. His name is Pedro, he's 17 and he's in the 9th grade. He's been here for only 9 months!! We had a great first meeting, but that was all in Spanish. We identified together that his biggest goal was to develop his English. I feel so lost as to how to do that, seeing as he knows so little, has six classes in English every weekday, and is only a few years younger than me. I just don't know where to start when there's so little to work with. But he's a really good kid. He wants to support his family, stay away from the gangs and other problems that offer escape from the difficulties of being successful in school. He was really happy after the first meeting and walked me out to the car and I think he appreciated the mentoring and help I'm offering. I'd like to get to meet his mom and hear her stories and get her opinion on what she wants to see her boy doing. But, this should definitely prove to be a valuable, challenging, and eye-opening experience.
OK, I think that's plenty for you to peruse for the moment. Keep smiling and enjoying the rest of your weekend.

Ronnie playing guitar (instead of doing HW)

Ronnie in Cabaret

Ronnie in Cabaret 2003: Yeah, this is my roommate. I didn't know him, though, when he was going through this "phase," okay?
P.S. Sorry girls, this stud is taken...

Getting My Creative Juices Flowing

Hey,
So I realize now that y'all are gonna be lazy and post your little comments instead of taking the effort to write a real email or call me. But it's way better than nothing ;-) and I think it's a lot cooler to make it more interactive this way. I had to do it because my website is running out of space and hopefully soon it will be undergoing some major renovation (right Brian?). I just got sent some pictures from Allison's party so I thought I'd share a few. I was really clever cuz I gave Benji and Allison these nice candy canes with hearts on them, which just so happen to have been the party favors at Michelle's wedding. I thought that was tricky of me.
Anyways, Mondays are so long what with 8 hours of classes and work and not getting sleep the night before. My recuperation from yesterday has made me very slothlike today. This is not good because I have a whole bunch of skit writing to do for Café con Leche (the big hispanic student group celebration) that I was supposed to have done Saturday and I have been getting a few less than happy emails the past few days. So, it's only 9:50 now- I've got plenty of time to write them!! But my 8am class is gonna suck tomorrow (even though I really like working with Raul). Oh! I spent my first day in the sixth grade class that I'm doing my math practicum in and I liked it a lot. I already started to contribute to the class, helping correct someone's work at the overhead and giving an impromptu (how do spelly that silly word?) lesson on bar graphs. They already told me they want me to stay all day with them. I hate writing on overheads, by the way. My handwriting is horrible on them and it gets all smudged and stuff. But this teacher doesn't have any chalk for her chalkboard and the whiteboard is not facing the students. We'll have to see how that goes.
I finished my driver's training so that I can borrow a Vandy vehicle for some of my random ventures to Nashville schools. Hopefully that will take away at least some of the stress of finding a ride all the time. I guess I better go cuz I need to finish this writing stuff before Ronnie wants to sleep. He's in this musical, Anything Goes, as part of our Vanderbilt Off-Broadway group and he hates it. Apparently it's really unorganized and the show opens this weekend. He was in class all day yesterday, went to dinner, went to rehearsal and didn't get home till after midnight!! Then he did homework and went to bed at 4 and woke up for his 8 o'clock class. He'll do that on his own often cuz he gets very easily distracted (by computer games mostly), but if I were him I would've walked out of a Monday night rehearsal at 11pm. So, he's probably gonna want to sleep if rehearsal ever ends. My other roommate, Jeremy, is in this show too, but he rarely comes back here anyways. Girlfriends...

Mat and Michelle at Allison's party

Allison and Benji's engagement cake