Follow-up to Cold Flashes

I had a conversation with Shirley on the topic of being easily cold. She said something that made a lot of sense that I never thought of before. She said that she thinks she has a weak heart and that it has a hard time pumping blood to her extremities. Bad blood flow and she says sometimes she can actually feel her heart having problems. She also said that she doesn't get enough heat energy and chi because she doesn't eat and sleep well enough to build those up. She said that she had health problems when she was younger and that effected her system and the hot/cold balance regulating her body. Interesting, eh? So how is your chi? I'm still sleeping in my sweats and sweatshirt with the AC on to find my hot/cold balance.

Off to bed!!

My "I am..." Poem

Who I Am

I am a young, male elementary school teacher.
I am committed to education.
I am a big fan of a good movie, dark chocolate, and baseball.
I am as simple and down to earth as I can be.
I am a slow reader, but I love buying books.
I am an actor who loves art and music, but has no talent in either.

I am the first in my family to go to college.
I am mixed-up both racially and emotionally.
I am a bilingual, open-minded, world traveler.
I am shy and sometimes antisocial, but some people don’t know that.
I am surprised when people remember me or compliment me.
I am kind-hearted, but sometimes I get stepped on and my heart gets broken.

I am tall, but not too tall,
Smart, but not too smart,
And handsome, but not too handsome.
I am a brother, an uncle, a mentor, and a role-model and I take that job seriously.
I am a part of a family that forms my foundation.
I am part of a network of friends that gives me support.
I am a believer in humanity’s capacity for good and the power of happy thoughts.
I am working on my smile wrinkles.

I am 22, but sometimes I feel much older
And sometimes I feel much younger.
I am convinced that I will have a daughter named Mina Xochi Espinosa.
I am hoping I will marry someone who can cook healthy food that tastes good.
I am easy-going and would rather avoid drama and stressful situations.
I am open and expressive when it comes to feelings and dreams.
I am resilient, but have a sensitive soul.

I am proud of my accomplishments, but I carry secrets and pain too.
I am happy with my life, but there are many choices I wish I could change.
I am single and often alone, but
I am lucky to be loved by so many special people.
I am confused about my place in this world and worried about the future.
I am learning more about myself and the world everyday.

I am going through a period of transition.
I am becoming an adult whether I want to or not.
I am recovering from the most challenging year of my life.
I am tired of feeling sad.
I am a motherless child.
I am a fatherless child too.

I am Mathew O’Ryan Espinosa.
I am also Mat, Mathew, Mateo, Matty, Uncle Mat, Monsieur Mat, Vandy Man, Espi,
Mr. Espinosa, Mr. E., and Single T.
I used to be Son and Little Pill.

Reassurance

Okay, so I have my doubts sometimes when I think about going to Hawaii for grad school. I keep thinking, "Why did I turn down Stanford?" I remember what it was like going to public school (i.e. CSU Sacramento) and how beaurocratic and huge and impersonal it was and how unhappy it made me. I think about my experience in private school and how great I thought it was that there were so many opportunities, everything was more accessible and personal, and the campus was so beautiful. I hear from Leo about how less-than-impressed he was with his UH experience. And I really wonder. BUT then I read something about how the department of second language studies (i.e. the field I'm entering) is ranked first in the nation. And I was talking to Eve, the other Dean of Faculty for the other site, who studied Applied Linguistics (i.e. the field I'm entering) and recommended the program at UH before I even mentioned the fact that I was going there. She's been teaching English for the past few years in mainland China at a university and she's moving to Mexico City for a job where she's coordinating some ESL programs. After seeing me work she's trying to confince me to come work with her. Mexico? Anyways, she's got a lot of good contacts in the field and it will be handy knowing her. Plus she's a pretty great person.

As much as I like Hong Kong and the people at Summerbridge, there are times I just want this summer to be over with. I will be able to let go of so much baggage and finally feel grounded and relaxed once I get to Hawaii (and actually move into some for of housing). I really want to move on to that stage in my life and leave the past year behind me and I feel like I'm still in a transitory phase (adjustment disorder) and it makes me feel a little anxious- not exactly homesick, but something similar. I miss being able to talk to people on the phone. But I don't really feel the need to get back to Sacramento. I want to get to Hawaii. Only five more weeks here. I can't believe I've been living in Hong Kong for a month now. I am so thankful that I met some of the people I've met here because I couldn't have met them anywhere else. Crazy.

p.s. In reference to my trip to temple in Chinatown in May, it has been difficult waiting for the plum tree to blossom. It has brought upon me more stress and discomfort than I would like. Still, I hold out that the blossom will come, hopefully sooner than later. Exactly five weeks from now is all I have left here.

Chinese Musings

Walking around town, I can't help but feel like I'm in a Jackie Chan movie. Everywhere you look buildings are being renovated complete with bamboo scaffolding. I keep waiting for some bad guy to break through the different levels as they drop to the floor and I have a strong urge to grab one of the sticks, do some twirling kung-fu actions and then start knocking all the Chinese people out of my way. Damn streets are crowded here. I always have a strong urge to just barrel through people, but that is actually the opposite of what I typically do. I need more self-confidence! Use your elbows!

My new nickname here in order to deal with the fact that there is another Matt at our site is "single-T." I don't know how I feel about it. It is the first time I've ever been called that, which is kinda cool. And we make a pretty cool combination: single-T and double-T.

My Chinese:
hiyah-hiyah = yes!
m goi (sai) = thank you, excuse me, help, stop, over here, general get attention phrase...
ng hai = no
ling, yut, yi, saam, say, ng, luk, chut, baat, gau, sap = counting 1-10
jo sun = good morning
lay sik ng sik ying-man aa? = Do you speak English?
m goi, lawk che = please stop here
wai... = hello (on the phone)
lay hai jeng aa = you are beautiful
gay ho = fine
bye bye = good bye


and the pick-up lines:
lay ho-chi ngaw sik-dak gaw gaw yan = You look like someone I know.
lay tiu dak jan-hai ho = You're a fantastic dancer.
lay jung-ng jung-yi bay yan ngawn-mo aa? = Do you want a massage?
jan hai haw ngoy = What a babe!

I think I'll get along fine.