Missing Thoughts

There is a lot of missing I have to put up with in my life. I would imagine most do, but as I don't know there side of things, I can only really reflect on mine. Being at my sister's makes me realize how much I miss having them in my life. It also makes me miss home. And even though I have a lot of wonderful people around me at home, I still miss more. Besides my sister, I miss Stephanie a lot. I think about her daily, have such strong feelings for her, and yet only see her every now and then. I miss my friends from home that have moved away. I miss my Vandy friends who are either in school or graduated and somewhere far away. I miss my mom. I miss her almost everyday. I miss my dad too. I miss even the thought that I could maybe see them today. My sister still gets stuck thinking she will. She thinks about calling Mom sometimes, before it dawns on her she can't. I don't have those thoughts. I just have the "if only they were here" or "I could tell them this" thoughts. And even with all the people around me at home, I miss them too. I miss seeing them everyday or sharing different things with them.

I get caught wondering how different my life would be if all these people were closer, if they were around and available every day. I generally think that that would make me extremely happy and probably the luckiest person in the world. Sometimes these thoughts of missing can build up so much that they obscure the fact that I could be happy right now. I'm glad that all these people I care about are in my life, in whatever fashion that is, because life would be less fulfilling without them. I look forward to the moments we have together, even when they are few and far between. I try to stay optimistic and get the most out of phone calls and emails and any other way we can keep in contact. But sometimes I can't help but want more. I can't help but feel unsatisfied. Tonight my sister asked if I'd think about staying a few days more. A little longer. I wish I could. But, I can either try and be as happy as possible with what I've got, or spend my life being disappointed and sad. I've been sad before, and I didn't like that life. I'm happier now. But I don't like missing people this much. Chances are, if you're reading this, I'm talking about you. I miss you.