Learning to Smile Again

Tuesday I woke up and felt different. I felt as though I were 10 lbs. lighter. I felt as though the day would be a good day. I felt like smiling. I felt better than I have felt in months. I felt normal. I thought at first maybe I had just eaten something funny and that the feeling would go away, but it didn't. This past week I has been the best week I've had in months. I'm happier. Not that I haven't cried at all, but the happiness has settled in. It is easier to talk with people. It is easier to smile and laugh. My therapist says that I'm beginning to move into the acceptance phase of grief. But all this would never have happened if I didn't go through one of the worst weeks in my life the week before. I had a complete emotional breakdown the Saturday before, wallowing in a depression as if I were in a deep hole in the middle of the forest. But, had it not been for Stephanie pushing me to recognize how sad I was and for a fleeting thought of suicide to scare me so bad I cried more than I have in my life, than I would never have been able to deal with the grief I didn't recognize prior. With the help of my Auntie Josie, I was able to pull myself together and recognize a few things:

1) I was depressed.
2) I needed help.
3) Things would get better.
4) It was natural.

And things got better. I am so optimistic about everything. I began therapy, I'm going to go visit my sister in Indiana next week, my life will pick up when I get back (I can start working, my rehearsals will begin, etc.) and all isn't so bad. It lifted my spirits and I've been dying to share the new me with everyone. Oh. And here' s something you wouldn't expect a doctor to prescribe. My therapist asked if I were interested in taking anti-depressent medications and I told her that I'm interested, but I'm not sure if I need them now. "Good," she said. "I want you to try excercising for 30 minutes daily before we try drugs. That should lift your spirits, give you energy, and boost your appetite." So, I've been doing well with this new addition to my life. I linked excercising with another activity I do daily- showering. So, before I can take a shower, I have to excercise. I've been working on a route where I walk for 10 minutes, run for 10 minutes, and walk for 5 minutes. I'll keep you posted on how it all goes. So far, I'm hopeful.

But the main point of this entry is to say...I'M DOING MUCH BETTER!!! So, hopefully that makes you feel better too. :-)