Sincerity

Friday: 1/14/05

· So it is frigid today. We went from a high of 68 to a high of 40 today. That can only be topped by Chicago who went from 71 to 2. Or so I’ve been told… So, I’m hating the winter and all alone grumbling about it. Both of my roommates took off on me, so I’m expecting a pretty ‘chill’ night. Hahaha. I’m so witty!

· Anyways, I started classes and have realized it is going to be nearly impossible to make it through this semester without a car, seeing as I have to go to 4 different school sites a few times a week throughout the week and all. I haven’t gone to any of them yet, so I don’t know how crazy it’s going to be, but I’m sure I’ll find out shortly. My schedule is still in the midst of changes after the first week of classes, I hope no one realizes that though. My professors seem very willing to accommodate for me as much as possible if I need to go home or something, which is cool. Although, I still haven’t had 3 of my classes yet. School stuff, work, and random visits have been my life the past few days, but maybe the weekend holds something unforeseen in store….

· And my mom is doing fairly well after her chemo. She even made fudge the next day. I didn’t see any of it [grumble, grumble], but this is what I’ve heard. So, happy thoughts for her and she has a lot of them if all the people you told me that they would think her happy thoughts or pray for her are actually doing so. This one girl, Allison, who I know through a friend and have hung out with a few times, was such a ho today. We happened to pass by each other walking to class and I really like her so I didn’t use any avoidal tactics or anything. I always wonder what I should say when people ask me how my break was. I really hate the question “How are you?” because I seriously start to examine how my day was and give an honest answer and half the time people haven’t even stopped walking to talk to me and are already 15 ft away and counting by the time I blurt out “Fine…” So, today, because Alison actually stopped to talk to me, I decided to reply “Actually, it wasn’t so great. I found out that my mom has lung cancer that is already stage four and spread through her body.” And the way her eyes look and the silence and the way she hugged me and whatever she said, I can’t even remember, almost brought me to tears– in the middle of campus on a cold day. And I haven’t even cried about it for like a week, but her sincerity was almost too much. Gosh. It’s weird. And she now has a new place in my heart. But, I wish my mom could hear some of the things people say to me when I tell them.