I think it has struck. I know I'm not in Hawaii right now and that being away for three months probably has something to do with it, but for the first time I really feel it consuming my perspective on living in Hawaii. I find myself mentioning it every time someone asks me about living there. No matter how much I love Hawaii and the culture there and how beautiful it is, I still am feeling unwilling to stay. I think being around so many mainland people these days makes me feel like Hawaii is so far away from everything.
And yes, Hawaii is just as far from California as New York is. But it feels further, and the gas prices and economy doesn't help. I don't think it is so logical. It doesn't make sense if you just compare the miles or costs of driving vs. flying, etc. But I feel isolated.
I guess it is also sparked by my brother, Brian's, wedding. Emily is going to miss it; she can't take the time off and it will be expensive to fly out. Too far and expensive. Heck, it isn't easy for me to come either. I don't want to miss these big things. I don't even want to miss all the medium size things. Like Madi's big game, Chasen's birthday, Dani's graduation. I'm missing Zoe's plays and Tyler's growing up. I hate missing these things. I don't want to be some distant relative. I don't want to feel so disconnected to the rest of the country, but most importantly to my family.
At the same time I know that Emily doesn't feel that way. I know that she loves Hawaii and could live there forever. She misses her family, but the urgency for closeness isn't as strong. And neither of us are really sold on living in Sacramento. But is there some sort of compromise available? Is it so selfish to want to move and settle somewhere in California?
In some ways I know it is just a feeling of disconnect, but it is a strong feeling, growing stronger the further I get away. My family hasn't come to visit me in Hawaii...yet (except the great visit from Grams! But I had to buy the ticket). Isn't that evidence that I'm too far away? At least in Nashville I saw my mom and sister a few times a year.
1 comment:
Hawaii IS too damn far away! And for that matter, so is New York. Portland, on the other hand, is pretty much your ideal location...once we get the rest of your family to move up here too;)
And why would it be selfish to want to move closer to your family (i.e. the brunt of everyone who's important to you)? I mean, it might be selfish to impose that desire onto others without thought of compromise (though it seems unlikely that you would), but to simply want to be closer? Seems like a natural thing to me, especially since family is so important to you.
Post a Comment