Hard Times

Generally everything has been so great, but there are a few things that have been challenging. One thing is definitely the language. It is really frustrating to try to be myself in a language I only speak at a very basic level. And being translated doesn’t have the same effect either. Plus I often feel out of the loop. I don’t know what is going on that well and I’m sure it is hard on Emily to try to translate things and feel me in. Beyond just not knowing what is being said is the feeling of being left out. Especially once Sandrine and Stefan (her sister and brother-in-law) arrived and there was this family laughing and joking and being nostalgic in a language I didn’t know well, I couldn’t help but feel like the odd one out. And it is so tiring! It takes a lot out of me to try to follow a conversation in French and sometimes I have a hard time getting out of bed just because I don’t want to deal with all the French and all the difference and stuff.

Plus there is all this talk here about Emily and me getting married and having babies. Not that I don’t want that or that we haven’t talked about it before, but it felt so different to have it assumed publicly like that. I mean, it felt like a lot of pressure all at once. And then there is just the general not knowing of not being in control and being in a different culture and being pushed out of your comfort zone. Emily loves to embrace challenges, try new things, get pushed beyond her comfort. I’m more like a baby-step kind of person. I grew up in a cocoon and only just started pushing myself a little at a time since college. It can be overwhelming at times.

And I might still be jet –lagged!