symbolizing hair

So I got a hair cut today. To say the least, it was a substantial cut. I'll probably shock a lot of the people that didn't know me before I had long hair. I needed it though. Not that I necessarily needed to cut it all off and I did like the long hair a lot on some days. Still, I wanted to go short to mark the newness in my life. As I transition into new territory, difficult territory, mostly with regards to moving towards life without my mom, my hair serves as a physical step into the new. Today I realized that there are some pros and cons to having short hair.

The pros: First, I can drive around with the windows down without it getting so annoying because it's blowing my hair all over. This means that I don't have to use the air conditioner so much in the car and saving on gas is critical based on the number of trips I've been making back and forth from Elk Grove/South Sac to North Sac and any other place I might need to venture. I also don't have to worry about my hair falling into my face at annoying, inopertune intervals. Plus, I'll use less shampoo and not leave long strands of hair all over the place which doesn't really annoy me, but it does other people.

The cons: I think the cons are more psychological. I realized that I could hide away from things with my long hair. I'd just tilt my head down and the hair would cover up my face. I feel so exposed now. I guess I had been hiding from a lot of truths that are difficult to deal with and now I can't. Now I've got to face the loss, the pain, the anger, the frustration, the sadness. I could also shake my head before and the long strands of hair would swish and sweep away the bad thoughts and images. Now, even though I still catch myself doing it, nothing happens when I shake my head. I'm stuck with the thoughts and images. Like right now, I feel frustrated in a lot of ways, but mostly frustrated (sparing you the details) at timing, at being screwed over by things beyond my control, at inability to know what to do about things, and at the world in general for not cooperating like it should. And I've got to feel it cuz I have no protective layer around my brain to block it out.